like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
