quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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