big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
