Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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