Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
