Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
