you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
