she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
