If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
