dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
