i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
