her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
