Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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