I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
