I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
