Did I show you my penis last night?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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