i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
