Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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