Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
