I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
