Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
