Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
