So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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