I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
