i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize