am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
did i walk over a car last night?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
