I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
