peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize