i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
