I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
