3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize