Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
