none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
