Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
