he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
