You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
