Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
