i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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