My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
