Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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