apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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