i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
