I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
