It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
