And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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