I wanna bring you to show and tell
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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