Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
