yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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