Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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