My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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