I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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