In the future we'll all be gay
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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