good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
