I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
