I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
