No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
