I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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