reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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