With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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