UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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