That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
