Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize