how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize