We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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