dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
