your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I could fuck to npr.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
