I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
