he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
