it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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