I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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