Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize