dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
