I'm gonna have a badass scar
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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