i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
