The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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