And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
